So I just came home from celebrating the new year. Most of you will think about how most people celebrate and think that they’ll know what I’m talking about. I assure you, you don’t. Most of you probably have dinner and then drink some and watch the fireworks. Me? I think I might have seen some fireworks. But anything explosive needs to be tested in close quarters before I’ll use them to celebrate. So last week was spent shooting fireworks on Maniac who was passed out in an ally.  Since I actually hit him my new years eve was spent running from an angered Maniac until I finally convinced him we should just get drunk together. Which we did. So…Cheers, and welcome to a new decade dedicated to the wonderments of rock n roll, all in the name of the Killer Clan of F.U.N.

/Mutt

I’ve been absent for a couple of days following the band latest “rehearsal”. I put quotations around it, since it’s mostly just Maniac running in circles screaming his lungs out. Anyway, in the midst of all that chaos a new song started emerging. After being inspired by the poetry that is Maniac’s drunken ramblings, I went home to indulge in my favorite pastime. Drinking myself unconcious in my apartment.

This if me doing my favorite thing

Usually that would be were the story ends, but not today. When I finally woke up, I was bruised and battered and found myself in a cell of some sort. I started yelling to the guards about letting me go, but they wouldn’t have it. After screaming randomly for forty five minutes they were obviously tired of me, and I was hurriedly put in a stale room, with someone sitting in front of me.

-Good morning mr Mutt. How are you today?

I told her it probably wasn’t me they were after and she asked me a bunch of questions. The one that stuck in my mind the most was:

-Why did you dress up as a cave man and tried to assault those women?

I told her she was mistaken.

-I spent the night at home, passed out drunk, like I always do.

She showed me a video recording of me running around in a cave man outfit chasing two women with a branch of some sort.

-Well. Um…

I tried to tell her it was art, inspired by the awesomeness of a new Killer Clan song, but she wouldn’t listen. Another hour of meaningless questions ensued, but finally I was released.

-I’m sad to say we can’t charge you with anything, so we’re letting you go.

Apparently there’s no law against knocking yourself out with a random tree branch. Go figure. Now I’m just getting myself psyched for the gig on tuesday. Sjöbo, here we come!

Yesterday, after spending around 45 minutes of kicking ass, and not quite that long at taking names, I jumped off stage and someone immediately told me that I didn’t get the attention I deserve. Of course this is true, but I think I better tell the world why, before someone starts making up their own shit.

The fact is that there are a lot of rumours going around regarding me and my “sudden appearance” to pick up the bass after the dog “mysteriously” didn’t get up from Maniacs couch.

Wasn’t me

The world needs to know that neither that or any of the other stuff is true, except for some of the parts regarding the dead french hooker which totally wasn’t my fault. Anyway. People have started asking me questions about my past (and that damned hooker) so I decided to go a little underground.

Might have been me. Not sure

It’s for this very reason that I don’t often stand in the spotlight myself (even though I should since nobody can be there looking as good as me, except me). Fun fact: this is also why I’ve grown a beard. Remember that, the next time you wonder why the extremely good looking bass player with the monster attitude doesn’t get his much deserved attention./Mutt out

RIIING! RIIING! RIIING! RIIING!….

Three o’clock in the morning and from a state of deep sleep, the terrible alarm from my phone wakes me up, like if someone just threw a bucket of ice cold water over me.

I pick up the phone, trying to listen, with my senses still a little numb from the sleep…

- “Hello?”

-”…ist ze Ugly Mutt quitting ze band?…”

-”What”!!!

Now I’m wide awake, as the german-sounding voice explain the situation for me, and continues to ask me questions.

It’s a reporter from a german metal station, who just have gotten the news that Ugly Mutt wrote something strange on his Facebook profile an hour ago.

I try to calm him down sounding as self assured as I can.

- “No, not at all. He was just here. Probably just a rumour you heard.”

Finally I managed to finish the call. I have to see what he has written on Facebook! And there it is!

“I love everybody. Hugzz.”

I stumble backwards as I read. Visions of the summer incident comes to me, when Ugly Mutt ate some strange mushrooms and ran off with a group of hippies, the night before the big gig. Luckily we found him in time; he was sitting in a tree, naked and chanting christmas carols. But armed with a bottle of JD, Maniac managed to get him on the right track again.

And now, sunday morning only a couple of days before THE GIG, at Mejeriet in Lund, the 2nd of December. What will the others say, what will Maniac do?

I try to call him, but no answers. I just have to wait and see. Meanwhile, the phone keeps ringing. American podcasters want to know the truth, a Greek TV show wants to run a feature in the morning show.

But I have my story now: “No, nothing has happened. Some hacker has stolen his password, and we are working to fix this ASAP. No worries.”

And finally! 11:40 on Sunday morning the relief comes as I read on his status line:

“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Facebook-hijack!!!!! Everyone will die!!!!!!!”

Pooh!! He’s back. Everything’s back to normal and I can go back to sleep.

Case closed.

/Pär
the no longer worried manager

Our last gig before the summer vacation is at Bananfesten in Lund, Sweden. We are so proud of the set and it’s gonna be a really good performance on friday.

Some people are asking about me and my wellbeing and that shit has got to end now, or you will get a visit from my bloodthirsty evil twin… when you’re alone – at night!

Piss off/ Maniac

Yesterday we reheasred with the new bassplayer. he is fantastic and though Ugly Dog is dead (peace be with him) we don’t miss him an inch. Now it’s louder, ruder and heavier than ever and it feels like Killer Clan of F.U.N. has found it’s true nature. We start gigging next weekend and there are a lot of new dates coming up. We also had a meeting with our new manager, who is a tornado of inspiration and ideas. The future is ours. It belongs to me, the Killer Clan of F.U.N. and you.

The Dog is dead – long live Ugly Mutt!!!

Peace, booze and rock n roll/ Maniac