The last of the members to be presented is also the most self-centered and diva-like one of them. This is a man who always grumps about every little issue untill he gets his way, even though it’s a far worse alternative than the one everyone else votes for. This is the singer and front figure of the Killer Clan. A pack of energy and brutal rock’n'roll.

This is the elder of Killer Clan of F.U.N. but young at heart and unfortunately in mind to. Maniacs first years were spent moving around much like a hobo. Moving from place to place, sometimes country side and sometimes city.

Ending up in academic city of Lund, Sweden, at the age of 8, living with his newly divorced mom aiming to get back the stolen years in paralyzing marriage he was not properly looked after and ended up doing dangerous and unlawful things, such as setting fire to everything and shoplifting anything flammable.

Being the prince for all relatives at first and then the poor sad pyromaniac child, descended from divorced parents, maybe his need of attention wasn’t fulfilled. As a direct result of this, and a reaction to his mother’s interest in women liberation groups, he started listening to punkrock, heavy metal, blues and any other degenerating kind of music there was. The more sexist style of music and lyrics, the better – all in the name of upsetting mom.

At school the grades weren’t great, more and more time was spent sneaky smoking and fighting, and when one of the cute girls got a higher grade, even though her test results where poorer, he threatened to beat up the teacher. Normally this is not a recommended action but in this situation it actually helped – and his grades got at least a little bit fairer.

Eventually this little villain also started to play the drums in a band. Late in life he found out that fat drummers didn’t get any of the lovely girls but that lead singers did, and could get away with lots and lots of bad behavior compared to drummers. At this time he had already found the love of his life and he married her and knocked her up… two times a father Maniac still craves attention like a two year old.

This is what drives him on stage every night with the Killer Clan of F.U.N. You gotta love this dude. Or you do like his brother in arms for a very long time, Bedlam, – keep him at a distance when needed and smack him hard on the head as prevention for stupid actions that just might come…

First bought album
Ozzy Osbourne – Bark at the moon

Most embarrassing phobia
“germs, don’t come near me with a cold”

Secret hot dream
“if the world was inhabited with just girls… and I was the only man.”

Favorite liquor
“John Daniels, when you’ve known him for as long as I have, he’s John.”

Favorite food
Lots, good and on time…

Best gig until now
Mejeriet, Lund, Sweden February 13^th 2010 with the Killer Clan of F.U.N.

The best thing about being a part of KCoF
“We laugh a lot and write cruel and catchy songs together”

The worst thing about being a part of KCoF
“The worst thing about being in any band… it’s always so much work to put even the smallest rehearsal together. I hate that. I want some one to do all that dirty work for me.”

Who would you NOT want to spend a night on a desolate island with
“Gene Simmons. He seems like a self absorbed and boring guy.”

Maniacs list of favorite songs through time as it looks right now

• Mötley Crüe – Live Wire
• Guns’n'Roses – Nightrain
• Bob Dylan – Hurricane
• W.A.S.P. – Scream until you like it
• Pink Floyd – Young Lust
• Zodiac Mindwarp – Prime mover
• Aerosmith – Magic Touch
• Hawkwind – Assassins of Allah
• John Lee Hooker – Boom boom
• Ministry – Jesus built my Hotrod

Edit: the finishing lines of this post have been censored because of bad language /admin

Also Maniac likes to add a little angry message to the management: SHOW US THE MONEY!

This crazy fuck of a guitarist is probably not who you’d like to meet in a dark alley in November. Bedlam is short for London Betlehem Hospital, and that’s what this mad man is running from. At least in his nightmares. Read some hardfacts from his life and weep. They’re coming to take him away HA HA!

First bought album
Billy Idol – 11 of the best

The silliest phobia
“People touching my food”

The most secret wet dream
“That there really is a hell and that Satan is a she”

My favorite drink
Wild Turkey

My favorite food
Bread. And cold rice

My best gig so far in life
“Killer Clan of F.U.N. at the Tivoli, Helsingborg, October 20th 2009 was great!”

The best thing about playing in Killer Clan of F.U.N.
“Getting to go crazy on stage”

The worst thing about playing in Killer Clan of F.U.N.
“Occasionally having to carry stuff. And tuning the guitar”

Who I would most certainly NOT choose to spend the night with on a desolate island
“Maniac Daniels. We wouldn’t last long…”

My top ten songs of all time

• Fever – Aerosmith
• Mr Brownstone – Guns N’ Roses
• PCH – ZZ Top
• That’s The Way I Wanna Rock N’ Roll – AC/DC
• Let’s Get Rocked – Def Leppard
• Penitentiary Blues – Lightnin’ Hopkins
• Train Tracks – Izzy Stradlin & Ju Ju Hounds
• Public Animal #9 – Alice Cooper
• Brownsville Girl – Bob Dylan
• Checkin’ Up On My Baby – Sonny Boy Williamson

Some hard facts about the reckless and wild drummer of Killer Clan of F.U.N., Big Boned Barabas, the villain that was freed during easter 2000 years ago:

First bought album
Kiss album ” The Greatest hits”

Most embarrassing phobia
Spiders

Secret hot dream
“The first wet dream was about Pamela Anderson”

Favorite liquor
No comment

Favorite food
Swedish home cooking

Best gig until now
Mejeriet, Lund, Sweden February 13^th 2010 with the Killer Clan of F.U.N.

The best about being a part of KCoF
“You get to play stone fucking hard rock n roll!!!”

The worst about being a part of KCoF
“The only thing I can say about this is that I suffer from severe trauma already and some seriously sick memories…”

Who would you NOT wanna spend a night on a desolate island with
The king of Sweden

Top 10 songs through time

• The Ocean – Led Zeppelin
• Ten Seconds To Love – Mötley Crue
• See Me Burning – Motörhead
• Nightrain – Guns n’ Roses
• I’m Going Home – Ten Years After
• War Pigs – Black Sabbath
• Fire – Jimi Hendrix
• Hush – Deep Purple
• Rollin’ Stone – Muddy Waters
• I Wanna Be Sombody – W.A.S.P

Second coming in our presentation of the bandmembers is The Mutt. Not totally clear who is telling the story of the Mutt… but anyway:

The beginning

Once upon a cold-ass winter night The Mutt crawled out from under a bin in a stinky alley. Full of questions regarding where he came from and who, or perhaps more importantly WHAT, he was, he stumbled out looking for answers.

Since a confused-looking child wandering the streets seems very suspicious, it didn’t take long for the authorities to take note of him whereupon they instantly sent him to a foster family. These people decided that it would be in his best interest if he went to school, but to be honest, they were probably just trying to get him to stop pissing on the living room carpet, so off he went.

The school years

These were the years when The Mutt developed his magnificent people skills and discovered his love of rock n’ roll. Other than that nothing of interest happened. Anywhere. So sayeth The Mutt.

All the other stuff

Many years of drunken stupor followed, where The Mutt discovered his now famous love of Jack Daniels. The first love affair between these two perfect subjects of affection led to The Mutt actually becoming somewhat whipped by the beautiful bottle. He stopped seeing friends and even built it a small house for it’s birthday. But when this didn’t please old Jack, he decided to just say ”Fuck it” and drink it. And he’s been drinking it ever since.

Rock n’ roll

For reasons you already should know, The Mutt eventually joined the Killer Clan of F.U.N where he now aspires to reach the new level of stardom where people will actually, voluntarily, bring him a bottle of Jack just for the fuck of it.

First Album
He can’t remember. But it had a lot of robots on the cover. The first album he remembers was Bon Jovi – Slippery when wet.

Most ridiculous phobia
Ithyphallophobia. And for all you illiterates out there this is the fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis

Biggest secret sexual dream
Probably to have sex without having an erect penis

Favourite liquor
Well, I guess you guys can figure out that it’s Jägermei…ouch Mutt. Stop hitting me…

Favourite food
The one that’s digestible and gives you all the fat and sugar your body needs

Best gig in life
The one where they crushed their enemies, saw them driven before them and heard the lamentation of their enemies’ women. But hoping that each and every last one of all the Clan’s gigs will live up to that.

The best thing about being a part of Killer Clan of F.U.N.
Nobody tells him to stop drinking. It’s always ”Hey Mutt. Have some Jack Daniels”. Actually, there’s been talk about hiring a staff member who could provide alcohol (and cigarettes) for The Mutt

The worst thing about being a part of Killer Clan of F.U.N.
- We’ll since he got me writing this he says nothing’s bad anymore. Except for the other guys trying to steal all his women.

Who he would not like to spend the night with on a desert island
Well I don’t know if you know him, but in Sweden there is this guy with a sign saying that his high-school classmate murdered a former prime minister of Sweden. The Mutt claims that this guy is even crazier than Maniac and also adds that ”he gets enough crazy during rehearsals.”

Top 10 best songs of all time
“Well I don…ouch…Hey guys! The Mutt here. No one is writing this down but me. Since Maniac’s a fuck up and obviously hasn’t listened to a word I was saying I thought it best that I wrote this down without him. So I don’t know. Best songs ever. In no particular order. And definitely not what I would’ve chosen tomorrow but anyway.”

• Fucking Hostile – Pantera.
• Crimson – Edge of Sanity.
• Hysteria – Muse.
• Fireball – Deep Purple.
• Highway to Hell – AC/DC.
• Lori Meyers – NoFX.
• Rejected – Rancid.
• Man in Black – Johnny Cash.
• Suspicious Minds – Elvis Presley.
• I want to brek free – Queen.
• Blinded by fear – At The Gates.

“So that’s that I guess. I’m gonna have me some whiskey.” – The Mutt

This week there will be presentations of the bandmembers in the blog, one new each day until sunday. This is to celebrate that we have a couple of days off for recreation and drinking. No rest for the wicked you may say. In his own words: This is Stuff, the weird country man, the hardcore shit kicker from hell:

Stuff was born in the great eighties and was put through some hard times such as being one of the poorest kids on the block. But he got an acoustic guitar from his loving parents, and it was truly love at first sight. A guitar who he still got today and write most of his songs on.

He grew up listening to KISS as his father had a lot of records with them and Stuff sat in front of his father’s record player listening to their records from the seventies, listening and just stared at the covers, and was blown away by their rocking music and their makeup. Determined that one day he would be just as good as them and even a greater rockstar!

With that determination and a lot of hard work he struggled through school and work even though he hated that, and often he would not show up cause he had some blasterin’ riffs goin’ on at home! Now he’s set to claim the world together with the rest of the Clan, but he will NOT let the rest of the Clan taste any of the pretty girls standing in his/their way!

Stuffs first bought album:
Dynasty with KISS

The silliest phobia:
“I really hate spiders (from mars)”

The most secret wet dream:
“The Corrs-sisters together all at once!”

My favorite drink:
“Whiskey in all forms and brands”

My favorite food:
“Moms food”

My best gig so far in life:
“Hard to choose just one, but the gig we did in Höör not long ago is one of my favourites”

The best thing about playing in Killer Clan of F.U.N.:
“Sharing the stage with all nutcases in Killer Clan”

The worst thing about playing in Killer Clan of F.U.N.:
“When deciding who gets to have the last zip of the whiskey after our shows”

Who I would most certainly NOT choose to spend the night with on a desolate island:
“Elton John, hate his awful music and he also seems to be into guys….”

My top ten songs of all time:

1. Love Gun – KISS
2. Under My Wheels – Alice Cooper
3. Blind In Texas – WASP
4. Elected – Alice Cooper
5. Hard Headed Woman – Elvis
6. Oriental Beat – Hanoi Rocks
7. Malibu Beach Nightmare – Hanoi Rocks
8. Black Diamond – KISS
9. Tie Your Mother Down – Queen
10. I Want It All – Queen

As you all know, the band is playing in Stockholm this Saturday, at Broder Tuck, Club Dislocated, 20.00. We hope to see many of our Stockholm friends there.

Everything seemed to be going well, but, and there’s a big but: something’s not right between our new guitarist Stuff and Maniac. And we’re not sure what will happen between the two of them on stage on Saturday.

Stuff’s really made a strong impression on all of us. First of all he’s a great guitarist and entertainer, second, Bedlam is happy to have his guitarist-party-brother and third he’s the first one in the band with a driver’s licence! Something that’s quite useful when the band is on tour…

Big Boned Barabas is to young to have one, The Mutt is to lazy to get one, and Maniac always fails trying to get one (he always get furious at the driver’s test because he’s not allowed to freshen up with some JD) It is rumoured that Bedlam actually had a driver’s license, but that he cut it in pieces one night, since he needed some extra plectrums.

Stuff being such an asset, you may wonder what’s happened then. Well, Stuff is a young, good-looking guy, and, he’s bare-chested on stage. It’s got to Maniac’s head that Stuff’s ambition is to try to steal the girls’ attention from Maniac when playing live. Sounds silly, I know, but once it get into Maniacs head, it hardly ever goes out (except with the help of a few drinks).

Maniac gave Stuff a warning the other day:

(Sorry, our foreign friends, it’s in Swedish. Maniac always starts ranting strange languages when he’s furious. Maybe he can translate it later.)

We all hope for the best on Saturday, and that Stuff gets back in one piece. I have asked Bedlam to give Stuff some advice how to deal with Maniac, which he was eager to do.

Well, things like this always seem to give Maniac extra energy on stage, so you can be certain that the gig on Saturday will be a great one. Also, playing before the Clan are some other great bands: Spirit Still, Abbey Orchestra and Captain Black Beard.

I won’t be able to attend myself, but the band sure wants to see you there.

/Pär
- the manager

So, the waiting is finally over. Killer Clan of F.U.N. finally got a second guitarist and his name is Stuff!

I talked to a very enthusiastic Bedlam yesterday: “Well, this dude sure can party like a guitarist! He even brushes his teeth in JD!”

This all sounded great. But as you know from what I told you a couple of days ago, I could also foresee an upcoming conflict with Maniac here. He is not famous for just giving up an argument that easy. But what did he do?

He brought Stuff with him on a radio interview yesterday night, and presented him to the world. You can listen to the show here, InRock on Radio AF (I’m afraid it’s in Swedish, but if you write to Maniac he will translate the whole thing for you):

In Rock, Radio AF 9/2-2010

Well, it is rumoured that Stuff really knows how to play the guitar too, and I will see for myself on Saturday on Mejeriet in Lund. (also see the event on Facebook).
I’m really looking forward to this fabulous rock’n'roll kick-off and I finally get to see Badmouth and Close Quarters too.

See you there!

Pär
- the manager

PS Ugly Mutt tired of being called ugly all the time, he thought he was too beautiful for that. And the others thought he was more rabid than ugly so he’s called Rabid Mutt now. But he’s still a mutt! DS

There is a possibility now that Killer Clan of  F.U.N. will have a new member within a litte while. What I have heard so far is that the tryouts with a new guitarist is going very well.

The band has been on the hunt for a second guitarist for quite a while now. The obvious reason for this is that they want an even heavier sound on stage but the real reason is something else, at least for Bedlam: He claims that guitarists are the only ones who really know how to party.

Of course, the others can’t accept this statement, and especially Maniac gets furious when Bedlam brings up this issue. More than once they have argued about this with their fists.

Nevertheless the others have accepted the idea of having another guitarist, but it’s been quite hard finding one. Strange really, since there are a lot of talented guitarist out there, one would think. Many have tried, many have failed. At least in the eyes of Bedlam.

To say the least, he’s very picky. He wants his guitar wingman to be perfect in all senses.

On one occasion for example, he invited the two guitarists, that had come to audition, to share a few glasses JD with him. Three bottles later, Bedlam said that it was time to play. By then one of the guys had fallen asleep and the other one could hardly stand.

“Wimps” said Bedlam and threw them out.

After that Bedlam changed his strategy for the tryouts, tired of Maniac and Ugly Mutt chuckling over “guitarists that couldn’t handle it”. And it became harder, much harder.

I remember this guy that first had to play for two hours, Bedlam stopping him every now and then: “Wrong! Again”. I thought he did quite well in the end but he was exhausted and seemed even more nervous than before.

They sat down in the sofa afterwards and Bedlam asked him “How thick is the strings you use?”

“.11″, the guy answered.

“You’re kidding me!!” Bedlam boomed, shaking his head. The guy obviously thought it was the wrong answer and looked even more nervous. Maniac didn’t make things better by leaning over and saying “Come on Bedlam, it’s not your fault, it’ll work out in the end”.

A couple of more questions like that and the dude was in ruins, sweating all over. It’s not that Bedlam is especially threatening as a person. Off stage he’s actually very kind and easy-going. But he’s very tall, almost 2 meters, a man of few words and has that dark serious look in his eyes when he’s concentrated, so apparently the guy felt very small.

Suddenly Bedlam rose up from the sofa walked a few paces, turned around and asked “What kind of beer do you drink?”

“I like light…no…dark beer…no….” Trying to find the right answer he looked at Bedlam for some reactions.

“no, I can’t handle this…” He jumped up, grabbed his guitar and rushed out the door.

Bedlam shook his head. “Strange guy, I thought it was going quite well, and I was just going to grab some beer in the kitchen…”

Well, let’s hope for the best with the new recruit. We’ll let you know as soon as there are some news.

Pär
the manager

- Bang your head babe!

This is the first part of the chorus in our one day fresh song, which we will carry in the set for Rockbåten as the opening song. You will not be disapointed. As I sit here with a grand beaker of the latin american national drink of Calimucho and feel really lucky to be part of this crazy gang of fucked up nogoods It comes to mind that once there was this very young man called Archibald Daniels going on a short trip abroad to see his favourite artist Rob Zombie.

When the opening act was done they announced that mr Zombie was ill or something and instead the brittish pop band Ash would stand in. This was not great for the already VERY toxic Archibald. He went bezerk. Drank all the beer in a famous bar in the city where it all occured and blacked out like a baby. When he came to his senses (well almost that is) he found himself smoking a joint with two really weird guys at a railway station in the outer rim of that alien city.

From there he took an extremly expensive cab to the harbour just to find out that the last boat was long gone and it would be hours and hours until the first morning boat arrived. Now, this particular winters day there was a heavy snowstorm in this nordic capital and the bloke needed a place to rest. He found himself wandering the empty streets as the high wore off and finally he found a coffeshop to rest his frozen body and heat up the buzzing mind with a couple of beers.

At this little sleazy bar a very unsexy 70-year old eskimo woman without any front teeth asked if she could help him out with a blow job for the humble price of 8$. Archibald went into a chock state and screamed NOOOO! from the top of his loungs.

Soon after this the boat arrived and our hero found his friends, who had lost him after a fight with cops and ambulances involved, and he went home (only to continue the very unhealthy party that was going on).

But the lady from the bar stuck in his mind and jumped up like the man in the box in his nighmares years and years after this and now this event has crawled itself  into a song again. The soon to be finished “Stay-in-bed-day” will be at least partly inspired from theese events. Some of the involved may protest, but this is how the story goes…

Yours faithfully/ Maniac Archibald Daniels

RIIING! RIIING! RIIING! RIIING!….

Three o’clock in the morning and from a state of deep sleep, the terrible alarm from my phone wakes me up, like if someone just threw a bucket of ice cold water over me.

I pick up the phone, trying to listen, with my senses still a little numb from the sleep…

- “Hello?”

-”…ist ze Ugly Mutt quitting ze band?…”

-”What”!!!

Now I’m wide awake, as the german-sounding voice explain the situation for me, and continues to ask me questions.

It’s a reporter from a german metal station, who just have gotten the news that Ugly Mutt wrote something strange on his Facebook profile an hour ago.

I try to calm him down sounding as self assured as I can.

- “No, not at all. He was just here. Probably just a rumour you heard.”

Finally I managed to finish the call. I have to see what he has written on Facebook! And there it is!

“I love everybody. Hugzz.”

I stumble backwards as I read. Visions of the summer incident comes to me, when Ugly Mutt ate some strange mushrooms and ran off with a group of hippies, the night before the big gig. Luckily we found him in time; he was sitting in a tree, naked and chanting christmas carols. But armed with a bottle of JD, Maniac managed to get him on the right track again.

And now, sunday morning only a couple of days before THE GIG, at Mejeriet in Lund, the 2nd of December. What will the others say, what will Maniac do?

I try to call him, but no answers. I just have to wait and see. Meanwhile, the phone keeps ringing. American podcasters want to know the truth, a Greek TV show wants to run a feature in the morning show.

But I have my story now: “No, nothing has happened. Some hacker has stolen his password, and we are working to fix this ASAP. No worries.”

And finally! 11:40 on Sunday morning the relief comes as I read on his status line:

“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Facebook-hijack!!!!! Everyone will die!!!!!!!”

Pooh!! He’s back. Everything’s back to normal and I can go back to sleep.

Case closed.

/Pär
the no longer worried manager