As you all know, the band is playing in Stockholm this Saturday, at Broder Tuck, Club Dislocated, 20.00. We hope to see many of our Stockholm friends there.

Everything seemed to be going well, but, and there’s a big but: something’s not right between our new guitarist Stuff and Maniac. And we’re not sure what will happen between the two of them on stage on Saturday.

Stuff’s really made a strong impression on all of us. First of all he’s a great guitarist and entertainer, second, Bedlam is happy to have his guitarist-party-brother and third he’s the first one in the band with a driver’s licence! Something that’s quite useful when the band is on tour…

Big Boned Barabas is to young to have one, The Mutt is to lazy to get one, and Maniac always fails trying to get one (he always get furious at the driver’s test because he’s not allowed to freshen up with some JD) It is rumoured that Bedlam actually had a driver’s license, but that he cut it in pieces one night, since he needed some extra plectrums.

Stuff being such an asset, you may wonder what’s happened then. Well, Stuff is a young, good-looking guy, and, he’s bare-chested on stage. It’s got to Maniac’s head that Stuff’s ambition is to try to steal the girls’ attention from Maniac when playing live. Sounds silly, I know, but once it get into Maniacs head, it hardly ever goes out (except with the help of a few drinks).

Maniac gave Stuff a warning the other day:

(Sorry, our foreign friends, it’s in Swedish. Maniac always starts ranting strange languages when he’s furious. Maybe he can translate it later.)

We all hope for the best on Saturday, and that Stuff gets back in one piece. I have asked Bedlam to give Stuff some advice how to deal with Maniac, which he was eager to do.

Well, things like this always seem to give Maniac extra energy on stage, so you can be certain that the gig on Saturday will be a great one. Also, playing before the Clan are some other great bands: Spirit Still, Abbey Orchestra and Captain Black Beard.

I won’t be able to attend myself, but the band sure wants to see you there.

/Pär
- the manager

So, the waiting is finally over. Killer Clan of F.U.N. finally got a second guitarist and his name is Stuff!

I talked to a very enthusiastic Bedlam yesterday: “Well, this dude sure can party like a guitarist! He even brushes his teeth in JD!”

This all sounded great. But as you know from what I told you a couple of days ago, I could also foresee an upcoming conflict with Maniac here. He is not famous for just giving up an argument that easy. But what did he do?

He brought Stuff with him on a radio interview yesterday night, and presented him to the world. You can listen to the show here, InRock on Radio AF (I’m afraid it’s in Swedish, but if you write to Maniac he will translate the whole thing for you):

In Rock, Radio AF 9/2-2010

Well, it is rumoured that Stuff really knows how to play the guitar too, and I will see for myself on Saturday on Mejeriet in Lund. (also see the event on Facebook).
I’m really looking forward to this fabulous rock’n'roll kick-off and I finally get to see Badmouth and Close Quarters too.

See you there!

Pär
- the manager

PS Ugly Mutt tired of being called ugly all the time, he thought he was too beautiful for that. And the others thought he was more rabid than ugly so he’s called Rabid Mutt now. But he’s still a mutt! DS

There is a possibility now that Killer Clan of  F.U.N. will have a new member within a litte while. What I have heard so far is that the tryouts with a new guitarist is going very well.

The band has been on the hunt for a second guitarist for quite a while now. The obvious reason for this is that they want an even heavier sound on stage but the real reason is something else, at least for Bedlam: He claims that guitarists are the only ones who really know how to party.

Of course, the others can’t accept this statement, and especially Maniac gets furious when Bedlam brings up this issue. More than once they have argued about this with their fists.

Nevertheless the others have accepted the idea of having another guitarist, but it’s been quite hard finding one. Strange really, since there are a lot of talented guitarist out there, one would think. Many have tried, many have failed. At least in the eyes of Bedlam.

To say the least, he’s very picky. He wants his guitar wingman to be perfect in all senses.

On one occasion for example, he invited the two guitarists, that had come to audition, to share a few glasses JD with him. Three bottles later, Bedlam said that it was time to play. By then one of the guys had fallen asleep and the other one could hardly stand.

“Wimps” said Bedlam and threw them out.

After that Bedlam changed his strategy for the tryouts, tired of Maniac and Ugly Mutt chuckling over “guitarists that couldn’t handle it”. And it became harder, much harder.

I remember this guy that first had to play for two hours, Bedlam stopping him every now and then: “Wrong! Again”. I thought he did quite well in the end but he was exhausted and seemed even more nervous than before.

They sat down in the sofa afterwards and Bedlam asked him “How thick is the strings you use?”

“.11″, the guy answered.

“You’re kidding me!!” Bedlam boomed, shaking his head. The guy obviously thought it was the wrong answer and looked even more nervous. Maniac didn’t make things better by leaning over and saying “Come on Bedlam, it’s not your fault, it’ll work out in the end”.

A couple of more questions like that and the dude was in ruins, sweating all over. It’s not that Bedlam is especially threatening as a person. Off stage he’s actually very kind and easy-going. But he’s very tall, almost 2 meters, a man of few words and has that dark serious look in his eyes when he’s concentrated, so apparently the guy felt very small.

Suddenly Bedlam rose up from the sofa walked a few paces, turned around and asked “What kind of beer do you drink?”

“I like light…no…dark beer…no….” Trying to find the right answer he looked at Bedlam for some reactions.

“no, I can’t handle this…” He jumped up, grabbed his guitar and rushed out the door.

Bedlam shook his head. “Strange guy, I thought it was going quite well, and I was just going to grab some beer in the kitchen…”

Well, let’s hope for the best with the new recruit. We’ll let you know as soon as there are some news.

Pär
the manager

- Bang your head babe!

This is the first part of the chorus in our one day fresh song, which we will carry in the set for Rockbåten as the opening song. You will not be disapointed. As I sit here with a grand beaker of the latin american national drink of Calimucho and feel really lucky to be part of this crazy gang of fucked up nogoods It comes to mind that once there was this very young man called Archibald Daniels going on a short trip abroad to see his favourite artist Rob Zombie.

When the opening act was done they announced that mr Zombie was ill or something and instead the brittish pop band Ash would stand in. This was not great for the already VERY toxic Archibald. He went bezerk. Drank all the beer in a famous bar in the city where it all occured and blacked out like a baby. When he came to his senses (well almost that is) he found himself smoking a joint with two really weird guys at a railway station in the outer rim of that alien city.

From there he took an extremly expensive cab to the harbour just to find out that the last boat was long gone and it would be hours and hours until the first morning boat arrived. Now, this particular winters day there was a heavy snowstorm in this nordic capital and the bloke needed a place to rest. He found himself wandering the empty streets as the high wore off and finally he found a coffeshop to rest his frozen body and heat up the buzzing mind with a couple of beers.

At this little sleazy bar a very unsexy 70-year old eskimo woman without any front teeth asked if she could help him out with a blow job for the humble price of 8$. Archibald went into a chock state and screamed NOOOO! from the top of his loungs.

Soon after this the boat arrived and our hero found his friends, who had lost him after a fight with cops and ambulances involved, and he went home (only to continue the very unhealthy party that was going on).

But the lady from the bar stuck in his mind and jumped up like the man in the box in his nighmares years and years after this and now this event has crawled itself  into a song again. The soon to be finished “Stay-in-bed-day” will be at least partly inspired from theese events. Some of the involved may protest, but this is how the story goes…

Yours faithfully/ Maniac Archibald Daniels

RIIING! RIIING! RIIING! RIIING!….

Three o’clock in the morning and from a state of deep sleep, the terrible alarm from my phone wakes me up, like if someone just threw a bucket of ice cold water over me.

I pick up the phone, trying to listen, with my senses still a little numb from the sleep…

- “Hello?”

-”…ist ze Ugly Mutt quitting ze band?…”

-”What”!!!

Now I’m wide awake, as the german-sounding voice explain the situation for me, and continues to ask me questions.

It’s a reporter from a german metal station, who just have gotten the news that Ugly Mutt wrote something strange on his Facebook profile an hour ago.

I try to calm him down sounding as self assured as I can.

- “No, not at all. He was just here. Probably just a rumour you heard.”

Finally I managed to finish the call. I have to see what he has written on Facebook! And there it is!

“I love everybody. Hugzz.”

I stumble backwards as I read. Visions of the summer incident comes to me, when Ugly Mutt ate some strange mushrooms and ran off with a group of hippies, the night before the big gig. Luckily we found him in time; he was sitting in a tree, naked and chanting christmas carols. But armed with a bottle of JD, Maniac managed to get him on the right track again.

And now, sunday morning only a couple of days before THE GIG, at Mejeriet in Lund, the 2nd of December. What will the others say, what will Maniac do?

I try to call him, but no answers. I just have to wait and see. Meanwhile, the phone keeps ringing. American podcasters want to know the truth, a Greek TV show wants to run a feature in the morning show.

But I have my story now: “No, nothing has happened. Some hacker has stolen his password, and we are working to fix this ASAP. No worries.”

And finally! 11:40 on Sunday morning the relief comes as I read on his status line:

“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Facebook-hijack!!!!! Everyone will die!!!!!!!”

Pooh!! He’s back. Everything’s back to normal and I can go back to sleep.

Case closed.

/Pär
the no longer worried manager

It seems like the Clan will grow some more in the weeks to come. Maniac will be having auditions for a number of young women, all hoping to be a part of the new choir together with Junkie Jenkins.

Great you say? Well, it isn’t really. I’m starting to worry again.

The problem is not the choir, we need a choir. The problem is the auditions. Maniac will run them, again. Alone.
He claims that he’s the only one who can recognize a good singer and that we would only disturb him in his important work.

What could go wrong, you ask?

Well, I can tell you about other auditions where Maniac was in charge. The drummer auditions for example.  Maniac started to fight with all fifteen drummers even before they had a chance of showing him their skills. Why? Well, he claims that he doesn’t like drummers and that he had a bad day.
Luckily, Big Boned Barabas accidentally ran a drumstick up Maniac’s nose, which Maniac thought was pretty cool, so BBB got the job.

Same thing with the bass auditions. But the other way around. Maniac said he had a bad hangover, refused to listen to anyone, and approved everyone. So, for one and a half hour Killer Clan of F.U.N. was probably the only band in the world with 26 bass players.

Until Ugly Mutt showed up. He was also having a bad day, he was out of cigarettes, and he was desperate for the job. So he kicked everyone’s butt and threw them out the door. He even threw Maniac out. But Maniac thought that was pretty cool too, so Ugly Mutt got the job.

Yesterday I had prepared myself with a speech, that would convince everyone that we shouldn’t let Maniac run this by himself. So, boldly, I confronted Maniac and the others with my arguments at the band meeting. Well, band meeting maybe wasn’t the right word as BBB was concentrated with picking his nose with a drum stick and Ugly Mutt was outside smoking, like he usually is.

But I did notice that I seemed to have Bedlam’s support. He was breathing heavily and nodding during the entire speech, almost with enthusiasm I would say. I finished the speech, feeling that the winds were blowing my way, and said something like “Isn’t that right, Bedlam?”.

But no answer. No movement.

Seems like he had been sleeping the whole time. At least he was sleeping when I took off his sunglasses.

Maniac responded with a big grin, left the room, and shouted “Girls, here I come!!!” in the hallway. Haven’t seen him since.

Let’s hope for the best…

/Pär
- a worried manager

Well, Saturday is coming closer and closer, and I’m getting a little more worried every day.

The fact is that the band is playing live, unplugged in my poolhouse on Saturday the 27th at approximately 22.30 CET. There will be an audience of 40 people or so and the event will be video-streamed live for everyone to watch. People can chat with the band during the gig.

Why I’m worried? Well, last time, a year ago, was a disaster. Lights went out as Bedlam jumped into the pool in the middle of the gig, playing his electric guitar (he can get a little overexcited sometimes). And Maniac had a fun time pouring twenty bottles of beer and 10 bottles of red wine in the water (wimp beverage he complained), so we had to change the water the day after. Ugly Mutt and Big Boned Barabas  started to fight with each other which led to that the audience divided in two camps and everyone started to fight.
Fun to watch an electrified, scorched Bedlam afterwards, though.

Anyway, they have promised to behave this time… But they said that they would come and play in any case, even if I said no, so what choice did I have…

On Saturday you can watch the whole thing at my Ustream page.

Keep your fingers crossed. /Pär

The Story of Killer Clan of F.U.N.

One rainy day, Bedlam and Maniac Daniels were drinking life threatening amounts of whiskey and fiddeling on guitars. Maniacs guitar was bought at K-mart and couldn’t be tuned… so he smashed it over the TV-set. Bedlam found that so impressive that he wrote a pile of red hot guitar riffs while Maniac, curled up in a corner, screamed out his longing for outrageous intoxication. On the back of a couple of unpaid bills from his landlord the cock-eyed Maniac managed to put down some snippets of lyrics (This later on was interpreted by a team of professors of linguistics and it took them nearly a whole year to put together), and a handful of songs were magically born.
Shortly after, Bedlam and Maniac started recording an album and suddenly a bass player appeared. Nobody asked any questions or cared to find out his name so he was simply called …Ugly Dog. Now they nearly had a band and already the record was halfway done. Next a youngster with tiny body structure asked if he could try out as a drummer. Maniac, for no appearant reason, went bezerk, drunk and stoned as he was, and beat the poor bastard black and blue. An act that rendered Maniac some alone time in a cell. Escorted there by a whole bunch of police officers. Upon being released, he found out that the little fellar, now named Big Boned Barabas, had become a permanent member of the band. The gang completed the album with the help from a few friends, and Maniacs mom who let her son live at home long after he had turned 24 (which is probably not healthy, but better than the gutter).

Killer Clan of F.U.N. are pleased with the results from all their hard work and ready to set fire to any stage they can get their asses to fit on. Armed to their teeth with gasoline, booze and with adventurous minds on the rim of self destruction you will all be sorry you didn’t pay more attention in school to the drop-outs and misfits – here they are, to claim sweet revenge on the world!

Keep your eyes and ears open, if these guys enter a stage in your area – be sure to attend, it will be a memory for life.