That’s right killerheads. The Mutt goes all christmasy. I’ve you’re anything like me, and why wouldn’t you be, you’re currently thinking of the best way to survive until christmas. The best way is to get to know new friends. Here’s what you do. You buy to crates of Jack Daniels with twelve bottles in each. You then carefully wrap this boxes in christmas paper, and write the numbers one through twentyfour on top of the different bottles. Finally you add a small pocket knife on a string to the entire thing.

Pimping totally optional

Now, when the first of december comes along, as soon as you wake up, you carefully grab the pocket knife and carve a hole where the number one is. Then you relieve your box from the very first christmas Jack Daniels you got. Now, open the bottle, start drinking and put on some great rock n’ roll-album. Then the next day you open up number two and so on. By christmas you will probably want your drink so quickly you won’t have time for the pocket knife, and just shove your fist down the wrapping. This is totally ok, and just means that you’re finally good enough friends with Mr. Daniels, that you can call him by his true name: John.

A couple of days ago, me and Bedlam went over what to do about Maniac’s obsession with trying to violate everything he sees. Bedlams ideas were…radical at best. Crazy at worst. He kept on trying to convince me that the best thing for Maniac would be to let him loose on a crowd of unguarded children. Preferably by getting a job at a kindergarten. And since I’m obviously the voice of reason in the Clan (however the fuck that happened) I disagreed because I still believe Maniac needs to be monitored. Don’t get me wrong, the kids probably have it coming I just think he’ll get it wrong and accidentally teach them something instead. Then how are we to subvert them with our lyrical content?

This is why Maniac’s no good with kids

So instead I opted to park him in front of a TV with the hope that the flashing colors would keep him distracted from doin anything to stupid. Guess I was wrong. After a while the combination of moving pictures and audio proved to be a bit much for Maniac’s crazy head so he started screaming how his demons were harassing him. The he threw the TV out the window and we basically said: “Fuck it.”

Could this be the demon of which he speaks?

Well, at least he came in touch with his demons which proved to be an important part of the songwriting process.

/Mutt

It’s the middle of the night and I just woke up. My head’s still spinning after yesterday’s whiskey race with myself. I won. Soon I’ll be getting in the van to go to Stockholm Rock Out. If memory serves me, the other trips we’ve taken are quite interesting. There’s alot of trash talk going on and I think it will be even worse this time around.

I now see the flaw in the plan I mentioned in my other posts. I was going to steal Stuff’s magic hat, since it’s obviously the source behind his power. And I’m power hungry. But if I do, there’s no escaping him or the others. Hopefully I can exchange his hat with mine while noone is looking and he’ll never notice!

Also I can’t wait to go on stage this afternoon and kick off the whole thing. Kickass. And tomorrow Halmstad will be mine when we do another show there.

Gotta get my head to stop spinning now.

Later

Mutt

Yep.

I totally lied last time. Not about Maniac, no matter what he’s trying to say on Facebook, but about this post. I write alot about Maniac, but that’s just because I don’t think he can read it himself. So if I offend him my “reader guy” I’ve hired for Maniac will skip the really nasty parts. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s about time that I started talking shit about some of the other members. And by “shit” I mean lie, and by talk I mean “spew”.

Since I know some of you disapprove of “spewing” here’s a picture of a puppy

So there’s not alot of talk about Bedlam. I know what he does on friday nights and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. I’ve actually seen him drink a can of soda. I asked him if there was booze in it but he refused to answer. The bastard. And let’s not forget about Stuff, the so called womanizer from the east. The bastard thinks he’s gonna steal all of my sweet ladies, but he won’t know what hit him when I’m done with him. What can you say about 3B that hasn’t already been said? Well, how about the FACT that he refuses to play shows unless he gets fish for dinner. FISH! What kind of rock n’ rollers are these people?!

Not pictured: Rock n’ roll

So before I leave you for today, here’s a picture that might help you figure out my plan for the ride to Stockholm Rock Out on friday.

Mutt out

Howdy folks!

The Mutt returns with an in dept analysis of what the fuck the Clan is doing. Well, not really. This will more be a torrent of bullshit that needs to leave my not-so-healthy brain. First of all, I think it’s about time the management finally gave back my blog access. They felt I shouldn’t be telling you all about what happens in Maniac’s head so they locked me out for a couple of weeks.

Pictured: Maniac’s brain

So fine. I threw them a bone. This time I won’t. I’m thinking of starting a new career. One of adventure and highway robbery. Obviously, that’s the only way one can get som cash these days. But I know you guys would miss me, so I probably won’t. Besides, someone needs to take care of Maniac, and the other drunkards sure as hell ain’t gonna do it.

It’s not that hard finding things you’d rather be doing

My next post will be about my plans for our upcoming trip. I don’t want to spoil anything (or give the other guys a heads-up too soon) so for now just listen to the amazing band HELLYEAH and think about what it could be.

Later

The Mutt

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of calls from the press asking me what F.U.N. stands for and since I never bother checking the facts before I post stuff, I naturally just take a wild swing in the dark and go with it.

F.uriosly U.nderrated. Neurosis.

Yep.

It feels good to divulge band secrets when the moon is high and you can’t go howling since the cops obviously finds that to be “disturbing the peace”.

Aaaaaooooooooooooowwwww (Can’t stop me on the internet)

In just a couple of days the rest of us will join a drunken Maniac for a show to a bunch of bikers. Hopefully. I’m guessing Maniac’s already began planning on how to steal all the bikes and paint them in Clan colors (whatever that is) and if he actually goes through with it, it might be worse than the time he tried to convince Bedlam to “stop playing solos all the time” since he thought he was “stealing his glory”. That was a horrible day for all of us.

On a personal note, my whiskey’s all gotten mysteriously drunk by me, so I’m dry as fuck now. Feel free to ship boxes of Ol’ Jack’s to my house. Just put “House of the Mutt” on the box and it will find me.

Just a bunch of these will do

And also, we’ve started to create some killer tunes for our upcoming album “The Mutt Chronicles” (Working title) due to be recorded before the snow gets heavy enough to stop BBB’s trains derailing on his ass.

Don’t forget to preorder. (Also done by shipping Ol’ Jack’s to my house)

A couple of days ago, Maniac told me he had a huge secret he wouldn’t tell me. I tried to ask him but he was in his regular state of incoherent babbling. I gave him a sucker punch and moved on to figure out what the hell was going on. I turned to the other guys and no one would say anything. So I started hanging out outside Bedlams apartment looking for clues. And when I say apartment I mean something like this:

Bedlam’s living room

So I continued rummaging until I finally noticed a note scribbled by Maniac to Bedlam.

Bedlam! It’s time to write some new songs and there’s only one way to go about it! I know what you’re thinking, but I haven’t had time to come up with the necessary farm equipment for that so here’s how we’ll do it. Bring your house to the big field outside of town and we’ll sit there and write shit. Oh, and bring Stuff and BBB to. Don’t mention this to the Mutt!

/M

So I promptly called Maniac and asked him what the fuck was going on. He wouldn’t reply since he seemed to be lost in another dimension or something. He went on talking about creating a new form of rock n’ roll. So I went directly to the source instead.

Doesn’t look new to me Maniac

After screaming like a crazy guy at Bedlam for not letting me know about the session, Bedlam told me the truth. They didn’t want to burden my genius brain with the tiresome task of coming up with every new song from scratch. Instead they (Bedlam) wanted me to put the finishing touches on these songs. Also, when the time came to write even more songs, I would get the first shot as long as I promise to stop putting out my cigarettes in Maniac’s drink. We’ll see about that.

So I guess what I’m saying is: the Clan is as productive as ever and as soon as I’ve gotten my hands on the material it will sound even better.

Rock on

Mutt, The

So I just came home from celebrating the new year. Most of you will think about how most people celebrate and think that they’ll know what I’m talking about. I assure you, you don’t. Most of you probably have dinner and then drink some and watch the fireworks. Me? I think I might have seen some fireworks. But anything explosive needs to be tested in close quarters before I’ll use them to celebrate. So last week was spent shooting fireworks on Maniac who was passed out in an ally.  Since I actually hit him my new years eve was spent running from an angered Maniac until I finally convinced him we should just get drunk together. Which we did. So…Cheers, and welcome to a new decade dedicated to the wonderments of rock n roll, all in the name of the Killer Clan of F.U.N.

/Mutt

I’ve been absent for a couple of days following the band latest “rehearsal”. I put quotations around it, since it’s mostly just Maniac running in circles screaming his lungs out. Anyway, in the midst of all that chaos a new song started emerging. After being inspired by the poetry that is Maniac’s drunken ramblings, I went home to indulge in my favorite pastime. Drinking myself unconcious in my apartment.

This if me doing my favorite thing

Usually that would be were the story ends, but not today. When I finally woke up, I was bruised and battered and found myself in a cell of some sort. I started yelling to the guards about letting me go, but they wouldn’t have it. After screaming randomly for forty five minutes they were obviously tired of me, and I was hurriedly put in a stale room, with someone sitting in front of me.

-Good morning mr Mutt. How are you today?

I told her it probably wasn’t me they were after and she asked me a bunch of questions. The one that stuck in my mind the most was:

-Why did you dress up as a cave man and tried to assault those women?

I told her she was mistaken.

-I spent the night at home, passed out drunk, like I always do.

She showed me a video recording of me running around in a cave man outfit chasing two women with a branch of some sort.

-Well. Um…

I tried to tell her it was art, inspired by the awesomeness of a new Killer Clan song, but she wouldn’t listen. Another hour of meaningless questions ensued, but finally I was released.

-I’m sad to say we can’t charge you with anything, so we’re letting you go.

Apparently there’s no law against knocking yourself out with a random tree branch. Go figure. Now I’m just getting myself psyched for the gig on tuesday. Sjöbo, here we come!

Yesterday, after spending around 45 minutes of kicking ass, and not quite that long at taking names, I jumped off stage and someone immediately told me that I didn’t get the attention I deserve. Of course this is true, but I think I better tell the world why, before someone starts making up their own shit.

The fact is that there are a lot of rumours going around regarding me and my “sudden appearance” to pick up the bass after the dog “mysteriously” didn’t get up from Maniacs couch.

Wasn’t me

The world needs to know that neither that or any of the other stuff is true, except for some of the parts regarding the dead french hooker which totally wasn’t my fault. Anyway. People have started asking me questions about my past (and that damned hooker) so I decided to go a little underground.

Might have been me. Not sure

It’s for this very reason that I don’t often stand in the spotlight myself (even though I should since nobody can be there looking as good as me, except me). Fun fact: this is also why I’ve grown a beard. Remember that, the next time you wonder why the extremely good looking bass player with the monster attitude doesn’t get his much deserved attention./Mutt out